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Embracing Grief Beyond the Pain

Updated: Jan 4

Grief is a universal human experience, yet we often misunderstand it. In many cultures, including our own, we have adopted the idea that grief should be private, short-lived, and something to "get over." However, the truth is that grief doesn't have a definitive endpoint. It becomes a part of who we are, shaping our journey and challenging us to learn how to live and operate with it. 



Woman in white shirt, blue jeans sits on a sofa, looking out a window. Her pose suggests deep thought. Soft light fills the room.


What is Grief and Why Does it Matter?


Grief is the emotional response to loss. While most commonly associated with the death of a loved one, grief can also arise from other life changes, such as the end of a relationship, losing a job, or a major lifestyle shift like a health diagnosis. These forms of grief, often termed "disenfranchised grief," can be just as impactful as the loss of a loved one. 


Grief manifests in various ways, including sadness, numbness, denial, confusion, anxiety, anger, and even physical symptoms like sleep disturbances or appetite changes. It is essential to recognize that grief may also bring feelings of relief, especially in complex situations like the end of a toxic relationship or the passing of someone who suffered greatly. These emotions, though confusing, are valid and part of the grieving process. It reflects the depth of our love, connection, and investment in what was lost. It is a natural, human response that helps us process and adapt to the significant changes in our lives. Ignoring or suppressing grief doesn't erase it; it often prolongs pain and delays healing. Acknowledging grief allows us to honor what was lost and embrace the emotions tied to that experience. By doing so, we give ourselves the opportunity to heal, grow, and move forward in a way that integrates our loss into our ongoing journey.


The Reality of Grief


Grief never truly leaves us. When we lose someone or something significant, that loss becomes woven into the fabric of our story. It is not about "moving on" but learning to cohabitate with the pain and memories. Denying ourselves the opportunity to process grief can leave us stuck in a cycle of denial and unresolved emotions. The key is to embrace grief, allowing it to take up space and acknowledging its presence as part of our story.


Cultural Perspectives on Grief


When I lived in Lesotho, Africa, I witnessed profound community rituals surrounding grief. For instance, when a woman lost her husband, the community would rally around her. She would stay home to lament, while others cooked for her, sat with her, and offered support. A physical expression of mourning, such as shaving her head, her arms, and legs all signaled to others that she was grieving, inviting compassion and grace from the community. This communal and symbolic approach to grief stands in contrast to the "keep moving forward" mentality often seen in Western culture. By setting aside time to grieve, these rituals honor the grieving process and create space for healing. No one was rushed in their lament but rather supported for them to take their time. 


Biblical Reflections on Grief

The Bible also provides numerous examples of mourning practices. Traditional Jewish mourning periods often involved physical expressions like tearing garments and required extended periods of mourning. For example, when Aaron died, the mourning period lasted 30 days. These practices highlight the importance of setting time apart to process emotions and grieve fully. Such customs remind us that grief is not a sign of weakness but a natural and necessary part of life.


The Nonlinear Nature of Grief


The popular notion of "stages of grief" can be misleading. Grief is not a linear progression where one graduates from denial to acceptance. Instead, it is an evolving cycle. You may experience denial, move to anger or bargaining, and then find yourself back in depression or another stage. This fluidity underscores the importance of learning to operate with grief rather than attempting to leave it behind. Grief is not something to overcome but to integrate into your life as you continue forward.


Embracing Grief as a Human Practice


Grief is a shared human experience that calls for communal support and personal reflection. We must allow our emotions to take up space and invite others to walk alongside us in our pain. By setting time apart to grieve and acknowledging the complexities of our emotions, we can honor the significance of our losses and create space for healing. Grief is not a sign of weakness but a testament to the love and value we place on what we have lost.


Let us learn from cultures and traditions that embrace grief as a natural part of life. Let us allow ourselves to grieve openly and fully, knowing that it is through this process that we find the strength to carry our losses with us and move forward with grace and resilience.


Practical Tips for Incorporating Grief Practices


Here are some practical ways to incorporate grief practices into your daily life:

Create Space for Grief

  • Set aside time each day to explore how you’re feeling: This could be 10–15 minutes of reflection or journaling. Allow yourself to feel and express emotions without judgment or pressure to "move on."

  • Establish grief rituals: Light a candle, visit a meaningful place, or engage in a creative activity (art, writing, music) to honor the memory of what you’ve lost.


Express Emotions Freely

  • Cry when needed: Allow yourself to release emotions without holding back. Tears are a natural part of the healing process.

  • Talk about your grief: Share your feelings with trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Verbalizing your emotions can help you process them and feel supported.


Engage in Mindful Practices

  • Meditation or prayer: Take moments to connect with your spiritual practice or to find peace and acceptance. This can help ground you during overwhelming moments.

  • Deep breathing or grounding exercises: Help center your mind and body when grief feels overwhelming.


Find Comfort in Community

  • Lean on supportive networks: Surround yourself with people who understand and accept your grief. Participate in support groups or seek out loved ones who are willing to listen.

  • Create new traditions: With family or close friends, create a ritual to honor your loss, such as an annual remembrance or gathering to share memories.


Seek Professional Support

  • Talk to a counselor or therapist: Grief can be complex and challenging. Speaking with a professional can offer guidance, tools, and a safe space for expression.

  • Consider grief counseling: Specialized grief therapists can help you understand and process your grief, guiding you through the emotional landscape with tailored support.


Conclusion


Grief is not a journey to conquer but a companion we must learn to walk alongside. It shapes us, reminds us of our capacity for love, and teaches us the resilience of the human spirit. While it may never truly leave, grief can transform into a source of strength and depth, giving us a new appreciation for the connections we hold dear.


Embrace the process, lean into the discomfort, and know that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether through your faith, your community, or personal reflection, there is healing to be found. Grief is not the end—it’s a part of your story, a testament to the love and life that mattered.


If you’re grieving, RTR is here to support you. Fill out the form below to reach out to our team today.


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