Understanding Grief After Trauma [Webinar]

Grief is often associated with the loss of a loved one, but what happens when grief stems from trauma? The pain of past experiences—whether childhood neglect, abuse, or a traumatic event—can leave lasting wounds in ways we don’t always recognize. In this insightful discussion from Divine Healing Secrets Revealed, Leah Cofield, a licensed professional counselor and the founder of Route to Respite and Dr. Lisa Bleicher unpack the deep connection between trauma and grief.

Leah shares how trauma survivors often grieve more than just a person; they grieve lost safety, identity, relationships, and a sense of normalcy. Through her own journey and professional expertise, Leah explores how trauma complicates grief, how the body stores emotional pain, and the powerful steps we can take toward healing. Whether you're navigating your own grief or seeking to understand the complexities of trauma’s impact, this conversation offers wisdom, encouragement, and practical tools to reclaim your voice and inner peace.

Let’s dive into this important discussion and explore the transformative power of healing from trauma-induced grief.

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 [00:00:00] Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Divine Healing Secrets Revealed. So again, why I do this summit is to bring out beautiful people like the guests we have today and a few others that actually can start to bring in a lot of the pieces of health that we don't even realize that's actually a part We're sort of put it into this medical model of Pain here, problem here, but when you look at health, it is everything, not only the physical, the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual, you know, and then we have other outside things that happen to us, and, uh, we'll be discussing a huge topic, and I think it's starting to come to light a little bit more and more over the past of how it affects our daily living and our health, so I'd like to introduce you.

[00:00:54] Leah, uh, we got to meet each other in a networking group, [00:01:00] gosh, probably over two, maybe two years ago, at least something like that. Yeah. And, uh, she's got just words of wisdom, uh, tremendous knowledge in a particular area in that she will divulge. And so I pass it over to Leah, Leah, tell us a bit about what you do.

[00:01:21] Yeah. Well, thank you for having me. I'm excited. I love the idea of empowering other people so they can carry it out and live in more freedom. So I'm excited to be here. Um, a little bit about me. I'm a licensed professional counselor. I'm an LPC in Pennsylvania. Um, I'm the founder and executive director of Route to Respite, which is a nonprofit here as well that offers whole person mental health care.

[00:01:48] Um, and so really just on a mission, if you will, um, to give voice back to those that have been silenced due to their trauma. Yeah. It's amazing. [00:02:00] Especially I think when it comes to mental health, uh, there's still a stigma for sure. And, uh, and we've got to let that go because it's It's rampant. You know, we have a lot of people with, you know, mental issues, but also emotional issues.

[00:02:16] And a lot of times they're very intertwined. But again, looking at the whole picture is how we can affect our health and being aware of how mental health, emotional health, and spiritual health interplay with us. Then again, You take the power back into your own hands. And I always say this is you should be your own best doctor.

[00:02:37] The more knowledge you have, the more connection you have to self, the more understanding about how it works in us, but also in the world, then you can make some really great decisions for yourself. So Lisa, Leah, what brought you to this area? I know you became licensed and all that. We have the credentials and stuff like that, but what brought you to divine healing, [00:03:00] healing the way God designed us?

[00:03:02] Hmm. Great question. Um, it's a loaded question, uh, because it really just, uh, was birthed in me or stirred up in me when I was little. Um, so I'm here because of my own pain and my own trauma that I've experienced. Um, and it wasn't until I met, uh, the creator of the universe, the maker of who I was that I knew what real hope was.

[00:03:24] And so, um, you know, when I was a little girl, I became determined that I was going to become the person that I so desperately needed that I did not have access to. So I grew up in a, uh, a very, um, traumatic There's a lot of chaos, um, substance abuse, uh, physical and emotional abuse, all sorts of things that were taking place and being raised in a home like that, um, my voice was silenced.

[00:03:52] Um, it actually felt like it was taken from me. And so, um, I am now, again, like I said earlier, on a mission [00:04:00] to give voice back to those that have also been silenced and to let them know that they're not alone. Yeah. Yeah. So in your nonprofit, what do you guys actually do? How does it actually work? Yeah. So right now we're still in beginning stages, but I see clients four days a week.

[00:04:19] Um, so I'm, uh, my specialty is grief and trauma. Um, and so we'll, we'll talk about that a little bit more and how those two things, um, complement and also cause a complex in many ways, uh, layers, layers to that. Um, but I see, uh, clients four days a week, and so we offer it through a holistic model, meaning we're going to address physical, emotional.

[00:04:45] And spiritual aspects of you knowing that if we just talk about one, we're really not treating the whole person. Um, I always like to use the example of if you want to lose weight and you only go to the gym, but when you come home you eat a box [00:05:00] of cookies every night and you don't go to sleep till three in the morning, you're probably not going to lose the weight that you want to lose, right?

[00:05:07] Because we have to take a whole person approach and it's the same thing with mental health. There's no exceptions to this. Yeah. Yeah, so it's exciting. We have a, we have a lot of land here. We have a retreat center that we're, we're building, um, to have some specialized retreats for people as well to offer them that place of rest.

[00:05:26] Um, and yeah, we're, we're just super excited. It's very exciting. Very cool. Hey, keep me in. I would like to do retreats down the road. So maybe we can work on that together. That would be fun. So do me a favor. Define grief and trauma and how they intertwine, but also how they're very separate as well, because we look again, we tend to look at things very separately.

[00:05:49] Like trauma is not grief, but grief is when you, somebody dies, you know, kind of thing. So fill us in on that. Yeah. Um, I want to give a little context and I think it will lead into answering [00:06:00] that question a little bit more. Yeah, so when I was talking about like my childhood, it actually had perfect soil for an abandonment to take root up in me.

[00:06:10] Um, the root of abandonment strangled so many areas of my life. And so, it wasn't until I learned I actually have to grieve. what's taken place. I had to come to acknowledge and understand that grief after trauma goes far beyond the loss of a loved one. So I was grieving the loss of safety, the loss of relationships, identity, a sense of normalcy, right?

[00:06:38] There was There was no routine. I never knew what to expect. Um, I needed to grieve that I didn't have the parental care that I needed and actually deserved as a child, right? I didn't have the experiences, um, like a mom, a mother and daughter do when you when you look at moms, right? I didn't have a mom present to brush my hair and put a bow in it, um, or [00:07:00] to make dinner at the table or to tuck me into bed.

[00:07:03] So there was a grieving that had to take place. And what happened is Um, because my mother suffered with addictions her whole life, um, until it, it finally took her, um, I always saw it as a child that she loved addictions more than me. Because if she would have loved me, she would have been able to change.

[00:07:25] And I don't really remember when that narrative Like came to be for me, but through my healing, I've learned to discover that that was something that was communicated through her actions. Something that I picked up to believe. And really what that meant was, if she doesn't love me enough to change, then there must be something wrong with me.

[00:07:46] And if that was true, then that must mean I'm unlovable, and therefore no one will ever love me. Mentors abandonment. Right? And so it's the perfect soil for this to be birthed. And so for [00:08:00] many trauma survivors, grief stems from losing trust, connection, um, a life that they envision before the traumatic event takes place.

[00:08:11] So maybe someone's not facing childhood trauma, but they have a traumatic event that takes place later in life. Um, they'll be grieving what they envisioned could have happened or what should have happened or, um, if it's with an individual that they trust, then there is a grief of this loss of connection with this relationship.

[00:08:32] Um, and so depending on what the event is would depend on what we're grieving. Um, but trauma really complicates things. And it complicates the grieving process because it actually disrupts our brain and our bodies. ability to process emotions effectively. We know this on a scientific level. Um, so yeah, so there, there's lots of different things that, that survivors, uh, could experience, um, from this heightened, uh, [00:09:00] sense.

[00:09:00] So hypervigilance is something that is very common. I know this was one of the things that was, um, very common for myself as well. Hypervigilance, the, the best way to describe that for me is like being on edge. Um, easily startled, like an exaggerated startle response. Um, so for instance, if someone comes in my house and they slam the door because it's too windy, I jump, right?

[00:09:23] And I'm like, what was that? And, um, it, it almost keeps our, our nervous system in a state of fight or flight. Um, and so that's how we would describe this, this hypervigilance. Avoidance is another really common thing. So trauma survivors will avoid thinking about or confronting the loss that they're experiencing because it just feels threatening, honestly.

[00:09:47] So because trauma causes us to feel like we're in fear and fighting for something, there's this constant state of a threat. Right, so that's why we stay in that fight or flight, because that seems [00:10:00] like the safest thing to do. Either fight this, or I gotta get away from it, run from it. And so really, in the trauma healing process, when we avoid it, it delays or it blocks us from being able to process it entirely.

[00:10:14] And then, um, the third thing that sticks out to me is that emotional numbness. Now, this is not exclusive to just trauma survivors, because we all like to numb out and scroll on our phones and do whatever. But, it is heightened for trauma survivors, because, um, we, we have this superpower, if you will, to suppress our emotions, because it leaves us disconnected from the pain.

[00:10:40] Because, um, if we have to acknowledge what actually happened to us, when I have to acknowledge that, um, I felt unlovable as a little girl, that pain is large. That, that, that abandonment runs very deep, and can become very overwhelming for me to process, and [00:11:00] we love to make sense of things. You can't make sense of trauma, because trauma should have never happened.

[00:11:06] So we can't make sense of it. And our brain does not like that. We like to solve things, right? And so numbing out is just a way to, um, to cope, honestly. And what this does in the healing process is it stifles us. It, it causes us hard to engage with the natural process of what grief is. Yeah. So when you have trauma, do you always have grief?

[00:11:32] Um, I believe so. Yeah, because when something is taken from you or you've experienced something, trauma is anything that happens too fast for the body to resolve or not enough of. So, uh, like not enough of might be like living in low socioeconomic status and not having enough food. Um, yeah. enough money to keep the lights on, right?

[00:11:57] So there's like this constant with, uh, of not [00:12:00] enough of or something that's too fast for the body to cope. Um, you could think of like a house fire and someone loses all of their stuff. Um, there's grief that takes place. Um, someone who's in a car accident, someone who's, whose body has been abused. Um, there is a grief that takes place.

[00:12:17] Yes. For sure. It would make sense. It would make sense. You know, it's just that I think a lot of times you hear the word grief, you think of loss of a loved one and you don't look beyond that, you know, like you said, not having enough food. Yeah. But there must be a ball of emotions that also get triggered with all of that as well.

[00:12:40] For sure. Yeah. Yeah. But what happens is when we go through these, um, and I'm kind of jumping ahead a little bit, but. Um, we create these stories or these, um, narratives when we go through things in life. And especially when it's dramatic, we create conclusions [00:13:00] about who we are, how the world is, and, um, what we believe is true.

[00:13:06] Right? And we go through life and we begin to pick up these conclusions and we kind of like put them in our pocket and we carry us, carry them around with us. And so mine happened to be You're unlovable. No one's ever going to love you. Um, and something's wrong with you. And so these things are being carried around with me and they affect me relationally.

[00:13:26] They reflect, reflect my ability to have confidence or, uh, in who my identity is. It affected my relationship with the Lord. Right? And being able to identify who he was and, um, yeah, so it, it affects all areas of our life for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No doubt. No doubt. So. All right. So, um, common experiences of trauma that survivors, you know, coping with grief, give us a little bit more of that.

[00:13:58] Yeah. So just like, [00:14:00] um, when we lose somebody to death, that grief comes in waves, right? Like we could be watching a movie and all of a sudden we're. We remember our loved one, or maybe it was a movie they watch and we start to cry, or we're driving and all of a sudden we're like, just overwhelmed with a sense of grief.

[00:14:17] It's similar for trauma recovery. When unresolved grief begins to resurface, when it begins to come up, and it literally can feel like it comes out of nowhere. Um, the difference is it comes in the form of a trigger. So I know this word is thrown around a lot, like I'm so triggered by so and so, or I'm so triggered by this.

[00:14:38] And so I don't mean to throw that word around. What it actually is, is our body is remembering what it felt like so we respond the same. I may give you an example, maybe it's a, um, a familiar sound or smell or a memory is being brought back to the surface and it catches a [00:15:00] survivor off guard and now they go back into a trigger response.

[00:15:03] So much like my example of a door slamming, there was a lot of chaos and abuse that was going on. So things were thrown, doors were slammed, people were stomping, right? And so when I'm caught off guard and I hear a loud bang, my body responds as if the same thing is happening even though I know it's not.

[00:15:26] It feels the same and that's what a trigger is. See, our, our mind is not able, or our body is not able to distinguish the difference because it feels the same. Does that make sense? Well, it becomes patterns, right? Yeah. And patterns, it actually, you know, people don't realize, neuroscience, right, it, it's, it's an actual firing in the brain, so it creates a groove in your brain.

[00:15:50] That sometimes takes years and maybe never completely goes away, but that's where healing can come in and change that neural pathway to a different pathway so you [00:16:00] respond differently, whether it be, you know, jumping or, you know, jumping into fight or flight, which makes us stressed out, which makes us inflamed, which puts us in an unhealthy state, you know, or so we want to change that into putting us into a calm state of being in an autonomic nervous system event.

[00:16:18] And that's, that's, The tough part trying to heal the body to do that. So do you do any work like that in your, in your, uh, in your practice? Yeah, for sure. And I think you nailed it right on the head. It's a lot of work. Healing, uh, there's a misconception that healing is like joyful and fun. Newsflash, it is not.

[00:16:40] Um, healing is actually quite painful. It is quite painful process. Um, Until we're healed, E. D., then there's freedom, but while we're doing the work and trying to, um, explore this grief or, um, investigate what's happened and, [00:17:00] and allow these things to come to the surface is actually quite painful. Um, and it is a lot of work, like you said.

[00:17:05] This is, um, I think we're in a culture that just loves a quick fix and there is nothing quick about healing. Right. Yeah, I agree. And that's I think the hardest part to get people to understand is it takes time. You know, I always use the analogy, you break a bone. You know, okay, the doctor might set it, but the doctor doesn't heal it.

[00:17:25] You heal it, and it takes six to eight weeks to twelve weeks or whatever the case may be depending on the break. You know, take a split second and cut your hand. It takes time to heal. It takes a good week or so, you know. So There's nothing wrong with giving it time, and I agree with you, yes, going through a lot of that work creates pain and discomfort.

[00:17:46] Mm hmm. And to really catch yourself not falling into the old patterns of what you did with discomfort, that is key. But once you can start to become aware of that happening, and [00:18:00] you can stop it and recreate a new story or a new scenario, it's very freeing. No, I just spent days in a leadership class, and that's a lot of the work we were doing is what stories have we've been relying on?

[00:18:13] How can we change ourselves to become greater? And yeah, so some of that stuff, and I'm not as deep as you go, of course, you know, but again, a lot of the stories. came from abused household. I was, you know, molested, you know, some of the lot of people have these stories. You're not alone. It's a very common thing.

[00:18:32] It's just most people tend to hide it because again, that whole idea of mental health issues, there's something wrong with that. But that's called life. It really is. And we miss putting that puzzle piece into our health equation. You know, we think it's just about eating good and exercising. Well, you know what?

[00:18:52] They all go together, there's no doubt about it, because exercise will change your emotions and your mental state of being, and so will food, [00:19:00] and, you know, I always used to say, good food, good mood. You know, because I was a mood kid when I was young and unfortunately being on antibiotics most of my childhood totally threw off my gut biome, which destroyed how I basically absorb food.

[00:19:16] So I had a lot of mood issues when I was growing up because my body was not assimilating properly. See, that's how closely knit and tied all of this is. So do you have somebody on your team that does nutrition or anything like that? Yeah, yeah. So we have, um, right now we don't have anyone on staff. We are working on that.

[00:19:36] So when the retreats come, they will become part of staff. But right now, since it's not, we just do a referral base with people and their needs, like through holistic, yeah, holistic minded practitioners. Yep. So we've kind of built a network of people that do different things. I want to stay in my lane, although they all intertwine.

[00:19:54] I do not have the time or the brain capacity to understand every single thing. And [00:20:00] so, nor am I intended to, right? We're not intended to. Um, so yes, we have like a referral network that we work with for sure. Yeah, the other thing I wanted to say too, um, besides the triggers is this, um, heightened emotional awareness that happens after trauma.

[00:20:17] So when survivors begin to heal from their trauma and reconnect with these emotions of grief that they've avoided for, you know, months or even years, because sometimes you don't even know it's there. Um, let me, let me do it this way. Let me give you an example. So, um, my first child is a boy, and I didn't really experience this grief necessarily to the level I did once I had my daughter.

[00:20:40] So because a lot of my abandonment came from my mom, when I had my little girl, you know, my emotional awareness was skyrocketed. You know, my daughter's sensitive. She desires to talk about everything and anything. And she loves playing dress up and really just desired to be my shadow [00:21:00] and mimic everything I did.

[00:21:02] And these really caught me off guard. And it wasn't because I didn't know that about kids right on the surface, but now I was experiencing it. And it was like this grief just became so awake in me that I realized, Oh, I still have some grief in me. Like I had to welcome little Leah to the surface and understand that she didn't get her needs met.

[00:21:26] You know, I didn't get to, if anything, I was resolved that I didn't want to be anything like my mom. And so, I didn't spend any time with her, and spent a lot of time actually just hating who she was, right? And, um, and so that was so new for me, and it almost came, felt like it came out of nowhere for me.

[00:21:46] And I had to, yeah, welcome that little Leah back to the surface, and be like, okay, yeah, she didn't, she didn't get to experience this. Yeah, but what a what a grand awakening, you know, it's something so painful can [00:22:00] actually be so rewarding because you were able to create a huge turnaround in a relationship of mother to daughter.

[00:22:08] And this is, I think, sometimes how I call generational curses, but they're really not curses, but general behavior, excuse me. Talk Leah, please. Oh, yeah, no problem. Yeah, they are. It's like generational sin, generational trauma and patterns. Um, yeah, it was almost, it felt like I was breaking a generational thing.

[00:22:32] And really, it wasn't like I was, I was. My mom didn't have a good relationship with her mom either. And so, um, this was new. It was like, this is where it stops. And it is a, it was a beautiful redemptive gift that the Lord gave me. Absolutely beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. That is beautiful. And, and I think that's one of the biggest things I love about holistic healing.

[00:22:55] When we think about it, you're looking at the whole is, is you're able to [00:23:00] change what you want to change in your life. You know, we always think that we're handed something. Um, you know, even for instance, DNA, right? Oh, my, my mom had it. So and my cousin had it. So I'm going to get it. And, you know, so we put ourselves into again, the brain doesn't realize real from fake or what you're telling it.

[00:23:20] So if you're constantly telling yourself that you're going to get these things, you're going to get them. But we even had somebody on, you know, who does DNA and in the summit and talks about it's the expression of the DNA. So how can we learn, if we learn our DNA, we can actually change its expression.

[00:23:38] Doesn't mean if you're giving like the BRCA gene, doesn't mean that you're going to die of breast cancer. But that's what we think, right? Because we're so programmed that it's inherited, it's this, it's that, and we find more and more scientifically that it's not. And that's where we have to, you know, and I would say, if we would just start to follow more of what, how [00:24:00] God designed us, how, you know, eat off of the, the planet, not out of a factory, you know, these kinds of things, physically do the activities, you know, instead of being so sedentary.

[00:24:13] And I know we've evolved and, and to tell you the truth, it's been really like sitting in front of the computer has really changed my body a lot. So I got to make sure I do my exercise, you know. Um, so taking the time to go back and learn past traumas and, you know, now Leah, would you recommend people do this on their own?

[00:24:32] Do it guided, you know, and depending, I guess where they're at, but you tell me, what would you recommend for people if they want to heal themselves? Yeah, I would say if you have, if you have trauma, then you need to be with a trauma therapist. Um, I was going to go into this too, which maybe this is an appropriate time to do that, but, um, trauma, somebody who is trauma informed as a therapist will know talking about it can actually be re traumatizing.

[00:24:59] And so we [00:25:00] don't sit down and say, well, tell me everything that happened. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So we have to be really careful about, um, recognizing, like, Who can support us in that, in that type of environment to discover what was happening. Yeah, um, so my recommendation would be don't do that alone. I think trauma already feels isolating and alone and we need support.

[00:25:23] We need a judgment free zone of someone who understands how trauma works. Somebody from the outside that can say this is normal. What you're experiencing is normal. It's okay. You're allowed to take up this space. What are, you just brought up a little bit, but what are some of the feelings or behaviors that people can actually start to become aware of in themselves that their health issues might be trauma related?

[00:25:48] Absolutely. That is a great question. So a lot of that comes from, uh, when we're coping with grief, there's this shame or guilt that takes precedence. [00:26:00] Um, it's very common. There's other things too, of like vulnerability of, of who am, who am I in their identity, right? Or what could have been, but. The shame and guilt is very, very common and is thread throughout trauma survivors.

[00:26:13] Um, and what happens is when we stuff those, that guilt and shame really causes us to stop, right? It causes us to, to, um, suppress even more. And what happens is that inner critic starts to speak, that inner self talk, kind of like what you were just talking about. And it can begin to monopolize the conversation, really.

[00:26:36] And something that I love to introduce to clients is self compassion. I mean, this is like a foreign concept to some trauma survivors. That, um, you need to be kind to yourself. You, you actually, that's self care. People are talking about self care is getting your nails done and your hair done. Yeah, that's nice too.

[00:26:56] But real self care is self compassion. Like, [00:27:00] how do you treat yourself? What do you say to yourself? What do you believe to be true about yourself? I tell clients all the time, we can sit here for an hour every week, two hours every week, whatever you want, and I could tell you a hundred times, but the moment you walk out and you say the opposite, you are going to believe what you have said.

[00:27:18] And so, um, it's, yeah, it's self compassion. And one of the, um, I say easiest, not easiest to change, but quickest thing, I guess, to just, The concept is easy is not asking why so for a lot of us. We'll say like, why do I feel like this? Why am I still crying? We're really not asking ourselves that question.

[00:27:45] What we're really communicating is you shouldn't be crying anymore You shouldn't be feeling this way. So stop right? Why is so critical and so condemning? and we really need to ask a different question like What's coming up [00:28:00] for me right now? How come I feel so sad about this? What is this experiencing reminding me of?

[00:28:07] We have to ask a different question. Um, and so that's like just a tool that I try to equip clients with as they're processing because that inner critic will always ask why. It's kind of like when my husband comes in the house and our teenager's shoes are in front of the door and he's like, why are your shoes here?

[00:28:27] And I'm like, You're not actually asking him why his shoes are there. Really what you're saying is move your shoes. They're not supposed to be there, right? But we're not communicating that. And it's the same thing with our internal self talk. Um, we have to become professional investigators, if you will. We have to be willing to explore what's actually coming up for us because we have to give it space.

[00:28:54] And so when we don't, to go back to your question, when we don't do this, our body is a [00:29:00] container and it holds it. It stores it. We know that our body remembers. Just like somebody who works out, they build a great muscle, they stop working out, if they go back to the gym, they can pick up right where they left off sometimes.

[00:29:14] Why? Because their muscle has memory. It remembers. It's the same thing with our emotions. Our body stores this trauma. So if we go to therapy and all we do is talk about it, we are missing it. We have to incorporate our mind and body. Like where do we feel it in our body? What does it feel like in our body?

[00:29:37] Um, I love examples cause I think it just removes people from the emotional context. So I'm going to, I'm going to offer another example. Let's say you have to give, um, a presentation at work and you need to stand up in front of people and you don't like doing that, your body is going to have sensations, isn't it?

[00:29:53] Right? Like you'll say, Oh, I I'm nervous. But if we take that a step further and say like, well, what does nervous feel like, you're [00:30:00] probably going to say like, my hands are sweating, my heart rate is up, my armpits are sweating, my stomach feels like it's got butterflies, right? There's physical sensations that take place when we're experiencing an emotion.

[00:30:14] It is very much connected. So we would be naive to think that when we have an emotion of grief, Sadness, disappointment, abandonment, letdown, that our body would not respond. Of course it does. It's all connected. Sorry, does that answer your question? I went off a little tangent there. Yeah, yeah, I think so.

[00:30:37] But I also think it brought up the idea of a trigger, too. So it could trigger the physical sensation, can trigger the trauma, and also the emotion can trigger the trauma as well. Absolutely. Yep, 100%. Yeah. Yeah, our body's a container, so it holds trauma. And we have to do something about that. [00:31:00] Um, you know, it can show up as fatigue, tension, um, somatic pain.

[00:31:04] I can't tell you how many people will come to me. And say, well, I just have a really hard time sleeping. And I was like, okay, well, like, well, what's going on? You know? And a lot of times their inability to sleep, they'll say it's because I'm anxious. But really, if we go back again, you're anxious about what?

[00:31:21] Well, I create, you know, it was their belief that they were caring. Well, where'd that belief come from? Oh, well, when I was younger and X, Y, and Z, and I'm like, okay, so there's the root. That causes some digging up. We gotta, we have to let those things come to the surface and stop thinking we can just treat a symptom that's happening because of something else.

[00:31:40] It's a by, your, your lack of sleep is a byproduct of something else. Yeah, yeah, it goes into a big ball of things. There it is. But I mean, that's what health is, is tearing down the outer wall so we can get inside. And I like how you say get to the root of it. A [00:32:00] lot of people say the cause. And, and I don't like that word because it's not usually just one thing because we're not, it's not, you know, unless you're in a car accident, yes, it was one thing type of thing if it was a trauma like that, but when it comes to overall health, it's everything you've done to your body or say to your body and what you eat and how you move or don't move, you know, these kinds of things, it's all that, that could create A problem.

[00:32:28] So, but getting to the root of it is why are we, you know, the question is, why is this happening? Let's go back and take the pieces. Go back to the pieces. And how do we correct or change what's going on there? And I think, like you said, self awareness, you know, go inside. What's your self awareness? You know, and that's what I tell people all the time in chiropractic is because we turn on the nerve endings, you know, because we work on the spinal cord, make sure this brain is talking to every cell of your body.

[00:32:59] So [00:33:00] as it shuts down, because the bones are out of place in your spine, it shuts down your ability of connection to self. Okay. And, you know, the more we can turn that on, like I get a lot of people that go, Oh, my back's hurting today. Why is that? And I'm like, well, you've been with me for how many years?

[00:33:15] Like, you know, you know, the longer people are with me, the more they become aware of, like, this is my body talking to me. This is cool because we were prone to shut it all down, shut it all off, you know, eat, drink, do whatever we have to do to squinch those emotions or the mental problems and, you know, or hide.

[00:33:33] Right. And we end up doing unhealthy things for ourselves. If we could just turn it up the volume of this amazing being, then we can make these changes, you know, which are fantastic. But talking about that, um, what do you think is like, there's such a block for a lot of people to move out of this, this comfort of quick fixes and, you know, just.

[00:33:58] Being told what to do kind of thing [00:34:00] and I'm trying to you know See what people believe is that blockage of step letting people step out into their healing? What do you think my you know, that block would be in your world? Are you saying what prevents people from receiving the help? Hmm. I think shame I think shame and that's why I mentioned that I think shame has such a hold And I would say fear fear of the unknown fear of what will come up Fearful, be able to handle it.

[00:34:32] Um, and then the shame isolates, right? Like, um, this will never get better. This is, this is the way it is. There's no hope. Um, this is your fault. Um, we heard that all the time. Um, you did something wrong. That's why you deserve this. So both of those are tactics, right? To keep us locked up, chained up in survival.

[00:34:57] No life there. [00:35:00] Yeah, it's. It's hard to like, you know, we live in a world that does that, right? You know, it allows things like that to happen. Like, well, how do we make our kids feel that way? Or spouses feel that way instead of being shut off and pulled away is. You know, is to grow and, you know, reconnect and make things better, you know, regardless of, you know, Oh, you hurt my feelings when I was too well.

[00:35:24] Yeah, that's a long time ago. But can we go back, revisit it and see how can we can heal it? You know, would be a beautiful way to approach things. Yeah, that takes a level of vulnerability. And also emotional maturity. Those two things, as a culture, we lack greatly in. Yeah. Emotional maturity means we are able to take accountability.

[00:35:51] And, uh, this should be no surprise to us, because at the beginning of time in Genesis, there was a blame game. Adam said, This woman you gave me is the [00:36:00] one who made me eat it, right? There is a blame game from the very beginning and, um, our society has not, uh, wavered from that blame game much. And so, uh, yeah, emotional maturity takes accountability and I just, um, and a level of vulnerability that I just think a lot of people are unwilling to do.

[00:36:20] Yeah, well, we're hoping that everybody listening is willing to step out and actually become vulnerable and actually start to, you know, step outside of that box that we've been brought up in, that we can actually change what's going on in our health and our world. Um, so Leah. Um, what are some healthy ways that people can, you know, deal with their trauma, their grief, or besides just calling you and there are things that they can do at home, you know, or at least get them started on that transformational journey.

[00:36:53] Sure. Yeah, I think the first step is acknowledging what happened. [00:37:00] Like acknowledging this took place in my life, um, and I deserve to heal, like I deserve this freedom, um, and acknowledging that you are grieving. Um, I think the second thing is creating the space to do so, to explore it in a non judgmental way and with a whole lot of self compassion, um, so that we can quiet that inner critic.

[00:37:24] And, um, yeah, I think that that would be another step. Uh, something I like to say is, like, heal out loud. Um, like, you're allowed to heal out loud. Um, you can take up all the space you need. Um, because, like I said at the very beginning, a lot of people that have been through trauma, their voice was taken from them.

[00:37:44] It was minimized, it was suppressed, it was denied, um, and it was full of shame and guilt, and so they weren't able to talk about it, right? And so, but you're allowed to. Like, you deserve this healing. You're worth it, [00:38:00] truly. Um, and I think the third thing is grounding techniques to help regulate the nervous system, um, during emotional overwhelm is like a very practical tool.

[00:38:10] Um, so that might look like, um, belly breathing, box breathing, a weighted blanket, cold water exposure, rocking, shaking, like. All different physical things that we can do to help our body regulate when it's being overstimulated or triggered. Going out and putting your feet in the grass. Having a tree. Going for a walk in the woods or, you know, it's, yeah, there's a lot of things.

[00:38:36] And, and if you can't do that, if you're in a place that you can't do those things, they actually have grounding mats that you can lay on or sleep on or sit on. And, uh, yeah, they help protect you and help ground you to Mother Earth, which is a lot of where we get our fragrance. Frequencies, you know, is from Mother Earth.

[00:38:55] So, you know, very cool. Very. Yeah. Yeah. [00:39:00] And I would say, uh, when in doubt, remember that more than one emotion can coexist. So, um, for many people, they think if I'm grieving, then I also can't have hope. And that would be a lie. Um, we don't need to deny our pain in order to have hope for a better tomorrow.

[00:39:18] Both can coexist together. We can acknowledge our reality and still look forward to another tomorrow. That's okay. I like that. I'm not being rude, people. I'm taking notes. And I do that throughout all my interviews. There's just lots of nuggets, lots of food for thought and, uh, things that we can put into our lifestyle.

[00:39:42] Um, even if it's just journaling about it. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of journaling, that's a great, that's a great thing too. So I've included some questions, um, for free that the listeners can get to, and they're kind of like starter journal questions, um, to explore some of that grief. Yeah. Wonderful. [00:40:00] Wonderful.

[00:40:00] Yeah. And you'll have that link in that email that you use to click here to get to this interview. It'll be in there. That's our free gift, which is wonderful. Leah, anything else you'd like to wrap up? You know, this web, um, or something that you wanted to talk about, you haven't talked about. Yeah, no, I think we, we kind of hit it all, um, all pretty well.

[00:40:21] I would just encourage the listeners that if you have experienced trauma, that it is worth it. Like your healing is worth it, um, to have a better version of yourself, not just for you, but relationally as well. Um, we need you to show up for you. That would be my word of encouragement. So would that be different than your secret?

[00:40:44] Do you have a secret for us as well? Since the title is secrets. Um, a secret? A secret, uh, you know, a daily habit, um, you know, a trick of the trade that you think would benefit our audience. [00:41:00] Yeah, um, this is not a see, this is so corny. I can't believe this is what came to mind. Um, it's not a secret, but it is something that I do very frequently and that's dance and I dance because it feels childlike and it also feels fun

[00:41:18] And it allows my body to move and it's something that I do probably every day. And when I say dance, I'm not talking about a formal dance. I'm saying I put some music on and we dance. Um, we have dance parties in the kitchen. I'll do them in my office in between sessions. Uh, just anything to just relax my body.

[00:41:38] Um, and just feel like my inner child comes out a little bit. So I don't know if that's a secret. I don't know if that's awesome. I love it. Sorry. I love it. We at the end of 36 hours of a class we did and it was like and I was energized, you know, learning for 36 hours in three days. So, uh, yeah, I love dancing.

[00:41:58] It's a great release for [00:42:00] me. Helps me to release my stress. It also gives me that physical activity, boosts all those good, those feel good hormones. It also stimulates your nerve system to get out of that fight or flight into that calm state even though you're dancing and moving around. Um, you know, the more we can do that, the better.

[00:42:16] I always say the more connected you are to your central nerve system and, you know, calming it and squinching that stress hormone, you know, type of thing, you know, the healthier your body becomes. So, yeah, so wonderful, but thank you, Leah. Awesome. I just learned so much in these interviews. It's really fantastic.

[00:42:37] I'm looking forward to watching reruns. So and talk about reruns, guys, sign up for VIP. You can always still sign up for VIP until we end this and I get a whole bunch of goodies, a class by me and my book and a whole bunch of things. And, uh, and you get to keep all the recordings so you can watch them over and over and over again.

[00:42:56] Uh, some of these people are putting in tons of good knowledge [00:43:00] and things, you know, and I always look for things that we can do ourselves that don't cost a lot of money because I get that response a lot. I don't have the money and there's so many things we can do that doesn't cost a lot of money. Now, sometimes we do spend the money, but when you spend money on your health, you save it in other ways.

[00:43:17] So, cause then you don't have the addiction of eating a tub of ice cream every night or whatever the case may be. So, you know, start to look at it that way, you know, and then go for what you want and you deserve the best. You deserve the best. All right, my dear. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you guys.

[00:43:35] We'll see. We still have a couple of interviews and have a great day. Thank you.

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