Holiday Family Triggers: What Anxiety Is Really Telling You
- Leah Cofield
- 4 hours ago
- 3 min read
The holidays have a way of shining a light on family dynamics. The unspoken tensions, the old wounds, the roles we never quite grew out of.
And for many, that light doesn’t feel warm. It feels exposing.
If your chest tightens at the thought of walking into certain rooms…
If your body braces before you’ve even put the key in the door…
If you feel torn between wanting connection and wanting distance…
You’re not alone, and you’re not “too much.”
You’re just human navigating a complicated story.
When Anxiety Becomes a Silent Guest at the Table
Family can activate parts of us we thought we outgrew. Even as adults, we can slip back into old patterns:
People-pleasing to keep the peace
Walking on eggshells
Feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
Bracing for conflict
Shrinking ourselves to avoid judgment
This isn’t immaturity, it’s your nervous system remembering what used to be required for survival.
Anxiety shows up to protect you… even when your adult self is ready for something different.
The Pendulum
We live in a culture that swings hard between extremes:
“Cut them off” or “Just get over it.”
But here's the truth: neither honors the complexity of real healing!
Healthy boundaries aren’t walls built out of fear; they’re pathways that help you stay present, connected, and honest. And they look less like ultimatums and more like:
Limiting the length of a visit
Preparing your heart before you go
Choosing where you sit at the table
Not engaging in every debate
Knowing when to step outside and breathe
Leaving before you reach your emotional limit
Boundaries aren’t walls that shut people out. They’re bridges that show others how to meet us in a way that keeps the connection safe and healthy.
Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity is the balance between compassion and clarity. It’s the skill of showing up without abandoning your own needs.
This might look like:
Responding, not reacting. Slowing down long enough to choose your words rather than defend your wounds.
Staying curious instead of combative. Asking yourself, “What’s happening in my body right now?” instead of, “Why are they like this?”
Lowering old expectations. Sometimes peace comes from accepting that certain relationships may never look the way you hoped and need to be redefined.
Letting God meet you in the moment. A simple breath prayer, grounding moment, or whispered “Help me stay centered” can shift your entire experience.
Your Nervous System Needs a Plan
Instead of bracing, try preparing. Your body will thank you.
Identify your triggers ahead of time
Give yourself micro-breaks (step outside, drink water, breathe)
Decide in advance what topics you won’t participate in
Preparation isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom.
Not Everything is Trauma
And not every uncomfortable moment means someone must be cut off.
Sometimes, relationships need space, not severing.
Sometimes, healing is slow, not dramatic.
Sometimes, peace is found in lowering expectations and raising self-awareness.
There’s room for nuance.
Room for connection and boundaries.
Room to love without losing yourself.
Room to protect your peace without isolating your heart.
After all, we are all human, falling short every day.
You Can Stay Present to Yourself
This season, the invitation isn’t to pretend everything is fine or to withdraw completely.
It’s to stay anchored in who you’re becoming.
To let your healing inform how you show up.
To loosen your grip on old roles.
To let God strengthen the parts of you that feel shaky.
To choose responses that align with your growth, not your fear.
You're Not Alone
If the holidays bring up anxiety, grief, confusion, or emotional exhaustion, you deserve support.
At Route to Respite, we walk with individuals who are learning how to honor their story, navigate difficult family dynamics, and find peace in places that used to feel overwhelming.
You’re allowed to grow.
You’re allowed to set boundaries that aren’t rigid or revenge-driven.
You’re allowed to protect your heart while still leaving room for connection.
Come as you are.
Healing doesn’t require perfection — just presence.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure how to carry all of this on your own, reach out. Support can help you move toward steadiness, clarity, and a sense of peace that doesn’t disappear when life gets heavy.
Email routetorespite@gmail.com today or fill out the form below.