When Family Feels Heavy: Navigating Anxiety and Loneliness During the Holidays
- Leah Cofield
- Nov 25
- 3 min read
Not everyone has a full table this Thanksgiving. Some of us are just trying to make peace with the empty chairs. The holidays can stir up more than excitement, they often awaken our ache.
While many are posting family photos, matching pajamas, and “grateful hearts,” some are quietly trying to hold it together, scrolling past the highlight reels with a lump in their throat.
For those who have lost loved ones, walked through divorce, or chosen distance from toxic relationships — the holidays can feel like a spotlight on what’s missing.
If that’s you, I want you to know: you’re not broken. You’re human.
The Myth of the "Perfect Family"
Social media can make it seem like everyone else’s home is filled with laughter and love, while yours echoes with silence or tension.
But those curated moments often hide what’s real: grief, conflict, or exhaustion.
Comparison can deepen our anxiety.
When we measure our healing against someone else’s highlight, we overlook the sacred work happening in our quiet places; the courage it takes to stay grounded, to not go back to what hurt you, and to choose peace over performance.
When the "Family" Looks Different
Family isn’t always defined by bloodlines or holiday traditions — it’s defined by connection, safety, and authenticity.
Maybe this year, your “family” looks like a friend who checks in, a faith community that holds space for you, or simply the presence of God meeting you in your loneliness.
It’s okay to grieve what you wish you had and still hold gratitude for what is.
Both can exist.
The Body Keeps Score — So Slow Down
Anxiety doesn’t just live in the mind; it shows up in the body — shallow breathing, racing heart, tension in your shoulders.
When you feel that wave come over you this season:
Take three slow breaths.
Name what you’re feeling.
Ground yourself: place your hand on your chest and remind your body, “I am safe right now.”
Your body isn’t the enemy; it’s just trying to protect you from memories of what used to hurt.
Reclaiming Joy
You don’t have to force joy. You can cultivate it, slowly, intentionally, in ways that fit your season.
That might mean:
Baking something that reminds you of home.
Lighting a candle and saying a prayer for those you miss.
Spending time outdoors, breathing in peace instead of pressure.
Choosing one new tradition that feels aligned with who you are becoming.
Joy doesn’t erase grief; it coexists with it — like sunlight finding its way through the clouds.
You Are Not Alone
Even if this season feels quieter, lonelier, or heavier than years past, you are not forgotten.
You are part of a bigger story where healing is still happening, where new relationships are forming, and where peace is being restored in unseen ways.
Let this be the year you give yourself permission to stop pretending and start being — raw, real, and rooted in grace.
If you need support, community, or just a safe space to process what this season brings up, Route to Respite is here to walk with you.
Come as you are. Healing isn’t about recreating what was, it’s about discovering what can be.
Email routetorespite@gmail.com today or fill out the form below.
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