When Empathy Heals — and When It Hurts: The Role of Empathy in Vicarious Anxiety
- Leah Cofield
- Oct 16, 2025
- 4 min read
The Role of Empathy in Vicarious Anxiety
I carry the burden of others’ suffering — not because I asked for it, but because my heart is wired to feel. Every scroll through my feed, every headline of tragedy, every story of injustice: they land softly at first, then echo in my bones. Empathy is meant to connect us; but when it’s unguarded, it can lead to vicarious anxiety that steals our peace and weakens our capacity to care.
Sympathy says, “I feel bad for you.”It recognizes someone’s pain from the outside. It can be kind — but it keeps a bit of distance.
Empathy says, “I feel this with you.”It steps into the emotion. It shares the experience, creating deep connection and understanding.
Both matter — but empathy requires more emotional energy and vulnerability.
Where sympathy observes, empathy absorbs. And when we don’t have boundaries, empathy can quietly become a burden rather than a bridge.
Empathy - A Gift and a Risk
Empathy is not weakness — it’s connection. It allows us to lean in, to feel with, to understand beyond our own walls. But research is increasingly clear: excessive affective empathy — when we deeply absorb the emotions of others, especially pain — can contribute to distress, emotional exhaustion, and symptoms of anxiety and burnout.
In essence, there is a boundary between bearing witness and bearing burdens. When we cross into the latter, we risk losing ourselves to the weight of the world.
Social Media (Where Pain Becomes Everyone’s Inbox)
We were never meant to see the full scope of suffering in real time—every death, every abuse, every injustice. Yet now, tragedy is in our timeline. As we scroll, algorithms push more of it. Peer shares amplify it. We become witnesses, always on call, to horrors we don’t fully understand.
This kind of exposure contributes to vicarious traumatization — a phenomenon where absorbing others’ suffering begins to chip away at your own emotional and psychological well-being. Graphic content, repeated exposure, and media sensationalism can trigger anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and emotional paralysis.
Instead of being a tool for empathy, social media can become a pressure cooker for emotional distress.
Why We Tend to Overextend Ourselves
When someone suffers, many of us feel compelled to act. But this impulse—if unchecked—can activate internal scripts like “I must fix,” “I must protect,” “I must carry this so no one else does.” That can lead to over-functioning, relational exhaustion, and spiritual disillusionment.
We also compare suffering — ranking whose pain is “worse” — which can silence our own grief and complicate how we respond to others.
It’s a dangerous trap: we neglect caring for ourselves while trying to care for others.
Toxic Empathy (yes, it can be)
Empathy becomes toxic when:
We absorb others’ pain instead of witnessing it.
We feel guilty for resting or setting boundaries.
We confuse carrying someone’s burden with being responsible for their outcome.
We internalize the world’s suffering to the point that our nervous system never rests.
Compassion fatigue turns connection into cynicism or shutdown.
Toxic empathy looks like chronic overwhelm, guilt for saying “no,” or emotional numbness. Healthy empathy says, “I see you. I care. And I trust God with what I can’t fix.”
How Vicarious Anxiety Shows Up Inside
Physical symptoms: tight chest, shallow breathing, fatigue
Emotional signs: hypervigilance, restlessness, detachment
Thought patterns: “I’m failing,” “I can’t rest,” “What if something else happens?”
Behavioral shifts: compulsive checking of news or social media, withdrawal, difficulty sleeping
When you’re deeply empathic, these are red flags—not pride, not evidence of your devotion, but signals that your system is overwhelmed.
Faith, Empathy, and Boundaried Care
Faith doesn’t call us to burnout. It calls us to compassion, grounded in truth and boundaries. Christ himself withdrew, rested, and wept. Even Jesus modeled boundaries in empathy: He withdrew to pray, He wept but did not despair, and He reminded us to “Come to Me, all who are weary.”
Here’s what faith-informed resilience looks like:
Surrender the burden, not the heart. We intercede, support, advocate — but we don’t carry everyone’s pain. Lay down what is not yours to carry.
Pray with boundaries. Ask God to hold what you can’t hold.
Remind yourself of your identity. You are beloved, first. Not defined by the suffering you see.
Rest as resistance. Rest is not avoidance — it is an act of trust that God can do the work in you, too.
Choose selective engagement. Be informed — not overwhelmed. Tend what you can tend, release what you cannot.
Practical Steps
Curate your media diet — limit exposure to graphic content.
Regular emotional check-ins — name what you feel before it escalates.
Rituals of resetting — breathwork, prayer, silence, nature, journaling.
Peer care and debriefing — talk with others who understand so emotional weight isn’t internalized.
Professional support — therapy, or coaching as your body, mind, and spirit need.
Empathy is sacred. It’s God’s design for us to live in connection. But when empathy becomes unguarded, vicarious anxiety can seduce us into despair.
Your heart matters — the way you feel matters. You don’t have to become harder to be helpful.
You can be soft, and broken, and still strong. You can be wise about how deeply you enter suffering, and courageous enough to know when to rest.
Ready to care without carrying it all?
If you’ve been absorbing the world’s pain and your empathy feels more exhausting than healing, Route to Respite offers faith-informed therapy, lifestyle medicine, and retreat services to help you set boundaries, release emotional weight, and reconnect with peace that lasts.
Email routetorespite@gmail.com today or fill out the form below.
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