Healing is Surrender

Leah Cofield
Jul 18
3 min read

Pain Makes You Ask "Why?"

Something I see all the time in my clients—and in my own story—is this aching question: Why?

It shows up in our raw, vulnerable prayers. Sometimes whispered through tears. Or if you’re like me it comes through my clenched jaw, tightened fist and screams.

Why did this happen to me?

Why did they hurt me?

Why didn’t God stop it?

Why did I have to carry this burden when I was too small to even name it?

Maybe you’re reading this blog today, asking those same questions: Why did this happen to me?

Making Sense of Pain

We want to untangle the pain so it makes sense. Because maybe if it makes sense, it will stop hurting.

Maybe if we understand it, we can control it.

Maybe if we label it, we can protect ourselves from it happening again.

But here’s the truth I’m still learning: Understanding is not the same as healing. I can name every trauma, map every betrayal, trace every generational wound like lines in the sand—and yet none of that holds me when fear creeps in.

Understanding doesn’t calm my nervous system when my body still feels unsafe. It doesn’t silence the ache when my mind replays what I wish never happened. It doesn’t reach the deep places only God’s presence can. Understanding helps. But it doesn’t heal. Because healing isn’t an intellectual puzzle—it’s a surrendered heart.

Trusting God with Healing

It’s not that understanding is wrong. It’s just not enough. It’s powerful to name what hurt you. It’s wise to trace your patterns and name your beliefs. Understanding gives language to your story—and that matters. We even focus on this in therapy.

But understanding is a tool, not the goal.

The goal is connection with the One who stays when the answers don’t. The goal is to rest in the middle of the “whys” that might never be explained this side of heaven. The goal is restoration. It’s trust.

So I keep coming back to this question: Do I trust God? Do I trust Him with this pain, even when it doesn’t make sense? Am I seeking answers—or am I seeking Him?

Leaning on God Instead of Answers

The invitation is to trust God—even when the “why” stays hidden.

It’s okay to ask questions. But we don’t build our faith on the answers. We build it on the One who never leaves, even when life is unfair, unjust, or confusing.

God doesn’t promise explanations, but He does promise presence.

Sometimes Answers Wouldn’t Be Enough

Here’s the truth: suffering rarely makes sense.

Even if God sat across the table from me today, heck even right next to me and explained exactly why I was abused, betrayed, and overlooked, it wouldn’t justify it. It wouldn’t make the heartbreak feel fair. And it definitely wouldn’t erase the loss.

And that’s why I look to Job—a man who lost everything. When Job asked God, “Why?”, God didn’t explain. God didn’t give reasons. God gave reassurance. He said, Look at who I am. He reminded Job: I hold the oceans. I control the storms. My wisdom is deeper than your understanding.

It wasn’t an explanation. It was an invitation.

An invitation to trust when there’s no clarity.

Your Invitation

Do you trust God with this?

It’s a question I ask myself again and again. Maybe the invitation isn’t to figure it all out. Maybe it’s simply to be held—even when it doesn’t make sense.

Like Job, maybe what we need most isn’t a reason, but reassurance: That we are not forgotten in our suffering.

Don’t Wait to Heal

I don’t know your “why,” and I’m not going to pretend I do. But I do know this: You are not abandoned in the question. You are not forgotten in the confusion. And you are not too complicated for God to hold.

So if understanding hasn’t healed you yet, maybe it’s time to rest your mind and let your heart lean in—not for answers, but for presence.

Because maybe that’s where healing begins.

If you’re grieving, RTR is here to support you. Fill out the form below to reach out to our providers.