Why it’s important to have friends, even when you don’t like “people.”

I came across this book at Barnes and Noble called Find Your People by Jennie Allen. It was during a time in my life when I was in recluse mode. I was not in the mood to deal with…people. The inner part of me knows that community is important. It’s a biological necessity, but sometimes our brain likes to make the argument that things are much simpler on your own.

You don’t have to coordinate schedules, deal with misinterpretations, or even talk about what’s bothering you. It’s “peaceful.”

I haven’t finished the book yet, as I’ve put it down and started reading another—as one does—but I did receive at least one powerful insight so far that prompted me to write in my journal, reflect, and eventually reach out to friends that I haven’t talked to in a long time. Friends that were dear to me, but grown-up jobs and distance got in the way. Two interactions led to creating two reunion dates later in the year. How cool is that?

So back to the book—it taught me that the devil loves us to be in isolation because that is when we are most vulnerable. The enemy loves to feed thoughts that keep us separated from others because when more than one Christian is gathered, God is there.

We know the enemy is crafty and will use whatever he can to separate us further from God. When we are gathered in community, in fellowship, in friendship—something beautiful transpires. We become more of who God wants us to be, and in small, invisible or even big, visible ways—love grows. When love spreads, so can the word of God.

In Genesis, God says, “It’s not good for man to be alone.” Yes, Eve was created in response to that, but I think that line gives us more to think about than romantic relationships. Friendships are messy because humans are messy. Relationships are imperfect because humans are imperfect.

We are meant to be in community, to be human together. And when I say community—I don’t mean your networking connections—I mean the people that you genuinely feel like you can be yourself with. Some of us don’t even know who we are because of the roles we try to fit into, and so it feels even more daunting to create a community if you don’t know who you are. If that’s you, it’s time to do something about it. Shameless plug for individual therapy services at Route to Respite.

We also have to realize we have spent an enormous amount of time and energy making things convenient for ourselves, so when things feel inconvenient—our patience for it significantly drops.

Learning how someone communicates or what their icks are takes time. Opening up to someone can feel extremely awkward, especially when it’s foreign to you. Conflict can trigger trauma and inspire you to become a hermit.

These are all very necessary inconveniences in life, and they are what make us human. A social connection with another is a real connection when these inconveniences are alive for us because it means there is somewhere to grow with that person—and growth is uncomfortable.

If your goal is not only a long life but a healthy long life, then the social connection we are talking about needs to be part of that equation.

If that doesn’t draw you in—here is the science behind it.

Research shows that loneliness and chronic disconnection increase inflammation, worsen cardiometabolic health, and shorten lifespan.

If you’re ready to take your health seriously in a more whole-person way, explore Lifestyle Medicine and therapy services at Route to Respite. It’s time to find your crew. They may be closer than you think. Email routetorespite@gmail.com today or fill out the form below.

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